Note: This is a personal detailing of events that have continued from '07 into '09. I've gone back and forth with myself deciding whether or not to post such a private thing online for all to see. It is something that has consumed me for so long that is seems like a sham to write anything else. This may come down after a day or two, but for now it was therapeutic.
***
Give him another chance. It's the best situation for everyone.
Talk to him, tell him how you feel. He's willing to work with you.
The kids need to have their dad around, especially at this time in their life.
I gave in. After all, everyone was looking to me to come to some sort of decision. The last weeks had been full of decisions. Decisions that no one should have to make. Now, after saying the final good bye to my mom, I had to set the stage for the rest of my siblings life as dependents. Do I take them out of the schools they have been attending since kindergarten, move them an hour away, and make them live in my spare bedroom? Or do I relinquish control to the person who, for 18 years, was the bane of our family for so long?
After such a huge loss, I wanted to make the transition for my brothers as easy as possible. I felt it was best for them to stay in the same school with familiar faces. After all, in such a small town, everyone knows what happened. Everyone will be sensitive to their situation.
He is their father. Maybe he will change. People change.
I made the decision.
For a few months, he made an effort. At least it seemed that way. Little did we know that bills were not getting paid, the refrigerator was empty, and he was never home. My two teenage brothers were left to raise themselves. Fortunately my older sister was there to pick up some of the slack. Bridge Man and I would freeze meals to drop off at the house on the weekends we were able to drive up.
Any attempt to get him to step up was brushed aside. He was working on it.
Things kept on like this for months. Their health insurance lapsed. Rent went unpaid. My brother's suffered. My attempts to talk to him were futile. He would punish my brothers for telling me that there was nothing to eat or that there is no soap in the bathroom. He started to ignore my calls.
My older sister really stood up to the situation. On her small income, she bought food and other such necessities for the house.
Where was all his money going? After all, he was receiving my mom's social security checks and working a full-time job.
He took his girlfriend to Colorado for a week. A few weeks later, the land lord came to the house. Rent was five months behind. The electricity and phone were turned off.
He was reported to the Department of Child and Family Services several times. Nothing came to fruition because the boys are old enough to take care of themselves, I guess.
We talked to my brothers about what they wanted to do. They both wanted to stay in town and continue going to the same high school. They didn't want to move away. A few family friends agreed to take them in.
One day, we had a small change in luck. He had been investigated by the Department of Social Security. The money was taken away from him. They accepted my older sister as the new recipient. We thought everyone could continue to live in my mom's old house and my sister would take over the finances. He would no longer have control.
Nothing is ever that easy. We needed his permission to switch the phone/electricity/water bills into our name. The lease on the house isn't a real lease. It turns out he is good friends with the land lord. Thus the reason he hasn't been kicked out of the house. He promised the land lord that he was good for the rent.
He got rid of the family dogs. Simply gone.
He kicked my older sister out of the house. I guess he felt that she was gaining too much control. My 18 year-old brother moved out. My 16-year old brother is still there.
I talked to my 16 year-old brother tonight. Last week the water was turned off due to delinquent payment and there hasn't been soap in the bathroom for a week.
04 February 2009
17 January 2009
10 Randoms
I stole this from a Facebook friend who stole it from another. I'm sure it wouldn't have been hard to come up with this on my own. You never know though, I could have been the inventor of "22 Random Things About Me." It's all in the number people.
Let's begin:
1. I hold my breath when I pee. This only becomes a problem when I haven't had bathroom access for a while and the length of time it takes to pee exceeds the length of time I am able to hold my breath. I have to stop, breathe, and only then can I continue.
2. I snooze my alarm for a minimum of 30 minutes before I am able to get out of bed. Bridge Man truly appreciates this one.
3. After moving back to the states from Japan people would ask how fluently I could speak the language. I would be honest and tell them I knew very little. But then I would be dishonest and tell them I knew how to say one curse word. I had my entire fourth grade class saying "mi-sho-sho" by the end of the year. I won't tell you what it meant but know that it is total gibberish.
4. I have the feet of Fred Flintstone. I've shared this with you in the past but thought I'd prove it to those disbelievers out there.
I also thought I'd prove to you that I'm not the only one who has these feet. Those with feet in the photo will love me for making this public because they don't seem to be as proud as I am.
5. I am a product whore. I own more lotions, potions, and products than a woman should. Most of them go unused or partially used but I absolutely cannot throw them out. I just might use them again, some day. I've been doing better with this addiction though. I've been forcing myself to use what I have before I buy more. This revelation came to me when I was organizing my products and realized that I have enough lipstick, lip gloss, chap stick, etc., etc. to fill a bucket and enough lotions and perfume-type things to fill a duffel bag. Don't judge.
6. I don't read as much as I used to back in the day. When my sister, Bear, and I were younger we used to race books to see who could finish the fastest. In the winter, when there was nothing else to do, I could sail through eight or nine Nancy Drew books in a day. I read the entire series "The Chronicles of Narnia" before it was trendy, sailed through "The Baby Sitter's Club," and had every Beverly Cleary book read before I was eight years old.
7. I like to sing show tunes while washing the dishes. In the shower I sing 80's pop songs. Each genre has its place on my chore list.
8. I like to make up names for cars that I own and ones in which I spend a lot of time. I drive a red Dodge Stratus RT, her name is Red Betty. Bridge Man used to drive a blue Dodge Dakota, she was Big Blue. Since he bought his Jeep, I've yet to come up with a good name. I mentioned Hi-ho Silver but it never stuck. Any suggestions?
9. I get bored with my hair very quickly. I can't understand how someone can live with one hair cut/color for years and years.
10. It's really hard to come up with all these random things about myself. The list I stole from my Facebook friend was originally "16 Random Things About Me." I made the appropriate adjustments.
Let's begin:
1. I hold my breath when I pee. This only becomes a problem when I haven't had bathroom access for a while and the length of time it takes to pee exceeds the length of time I am able to hold my breath. I have to stop, breathe, and only then can I continue.
2. I snooze my alarm for a minimum of 30 minutes before I am able to get out of bed. Bridge Man truly appreciates this one.
3. After moving back to the states from Japan people would ask how fluently I could speak the language. I would be honest and tell them I knew very little. But then I would be dishonest and tell them I knew how to say one curse word. I had my entire fourth grade class saying "mi-sho-sho" by the end of the year. I won't tell you what it meant but know that it is total gibberish.
4. I have the feet of Fred Flintstone. I've shared this with you in the past but thought I'd prove it to those disbelievers out there.
I also thought I'd prove to you that I'm not the only one who has these feet. Those with feet in the photo will love me for making this public because they don't seem to be as proud as I am.
5. I am a product whore. I own more lotions, potions, and products than a woman should. Most of them go unused or partially used but I absolutely cannot throw them out. I just might use them again, some day. I've been doing better with this addiction though. I've been forcing myself to use what I have before I buy more. This revelation came to me when I was organizing my products and realized that I have enough lipstick, lip gloss, chap stick, etc., etc. to fill a bucket and enough lotions and perfume-type things to fill a duffel bag. Don't judge.
6. I don't read as much as I used to back in the day. When my sister, Bear, and I were younger we used to race books to see who could finish the fastest. In the winter, when there was nothing else to do, I could sail through eight or nine Nancy Drew books in a day. I read the entire series "The Chronicles of Narnia" before it was trendy, sailed through "The Baby Sitter's Club," and had every Beverly Cleary book read before I was eight years old.
7. I like to sing show tunes while washing the dishes. In the shower I sing 80's pop songs. Each genre has its place on my chore list.
8. I like to make up names for cars that I own and ones in which I spend a lot of time. I drive a red Dodge Stratus RT, her name is Red Betty. Bridge Man used to drive a blue Dodge Dakota, she was Big Blue. Since he bought his Jeep, I've yet to come up with a good name. I mentioned Hi-ho Silver but it never stuck. Any suggestions?
9. I get bored with my hair very quickly. I can't understand how someone can live with one hair cut/color for years and years.
10. It's really hard to come up with all these random things about myself. The list I stole from my Facebook friend was originally "16 Random Things About Me." I made the appropriate adjustments.
05 January 2009
Crap-tastic
Bridge Man and I have always lived fairly modestly. I've held off buying those 200 dollar boots until I make it big as a stylist to the stars or Bridge Man designs the next Golden Gate Bridge and makes his first million. Be that as it may, we do have our extravagances. For my husband, it is the cable box on the television and for me, it's the Internet. Super-duper fancy, right? Back in the day when I lost my job to the beginning of this fantastic economic crisis, we had a conversation about cutting back expenses. As you can probably guess, my Bridge guy was willing to give up the Internet without the blink of an eyelash and I, the TV. Who needs 80 channels anyway? In the end, no conclusion was made and we kept both. After all, after about a month or so I found another job and all was not lost.
Our poor city is under a monopoly by this cable giant who goes by the name of *Comcrap. Long story short, in a period of about two months or so, we have had to contact said Internet/cable provider for a problem with the service. Each call becomes a 40-50 minute ordeal. First there is the automated voice, of whom I've become very familiar, then there is the hold message that insists how important my call is to them and pleads for me to wait a few more minutes, then, after 35+ minutes I am patched through to a customer service representative who is unfortunately unable to answer my question but can put me through to someone who can.
Then you wait.
And wait.
And wait.
And then, a second automated voice pipes up and states that an appointment has been made for you for the next business day between the hours of 8am and 4 pm.
This is all well and good except for the small fact that both Bridge Man and I have to work the next business day between the hours of 8am and 4pm.
For the last three weeks or so we have been suffering with patchy cable and a digital box that pops up on the screen with random letters and numbers at will. As for the Internet, it has been totally MIA. I've come to the end of my rope and would like to cancel both services. However, that means sitting on the phone for another 30-40 minutes to complete this simple task. You can see my predicament.
Thus the reason I sit here soaking in the free Wifi that Panera Bread so generously offers poor patrons such as myself. This is the first time I've been on the world wide web since Christmas. Oh, woe is me.For this reason, my dear reader, I cannot guarantee a quick return to this blog. I hope to be back within the week. Bridge Man and I are looking into getting a mobile access card.
P.S. While this is unfortunate, it couldn't have come at a better time. In two weeks I take my state board test to get my license as a cosmetologist. I can use this free time to study like a good little student. Wish me luck!
* This is the name I came up with for this company after the fourth time I sat on the phone, on hold for 35 minutes.
Our poor city is under a monopoly by this cable giant who goes by the name of *Comcrap. Long story short, in a period of about two months or so, we have had to contact said Internet/cable provider for a problem with the service. Each call becomes a 40-50 minute ordeal. First there is the automated voice, of whom I've become very familiar, then there is the hold message that insists how important my call is to them and pleads for me to wait a few more minutes, then, after 35+ minutes I am patched through to a customer service representative who is unfortunately unable to answer my question but can put me through to someone who can.
Then you wait.
And wait.
And wait.
And then, a second automated voice pipes up and states that an appointment has been made for you for the next business day between the hours of 8am and 4 pm.
This is all well and good except for the small fact that both Bridge Man and I have to work the next business day between the hours of 8am and 4pm.
For the last three weeks or so we have been suffering with patchy cable and a digital box that pops up on the screen with random letters and numbers at will. As for the Internet, it has been totally MIA. I've come to the end of my rope and would like to cancel both services. However, that means sitting on the phone for another 30-40 minutes to complete this simple task. You can see my predicament.
Thus the reason I sit here soaking in the free Wifi that Panera Bread so generously offers poor patrons such as myself. This is the first time I've been on the world wide web since Christmas. Oh, woe is me.For this reason, my dear reader, I cannot guarantee a quick return to this blog. I hope to be back within the week. Bridge Man and I are looking into getting a mobile access card.
P.S. While this is unfortunate, it couldn't have come at a better time. In two weeks I take my state board test to get my license as a cosmetologist. I can use this free time to study like a good little student. Wish me luck!
* This is the name I came up with for this company after the fourth time I sat on the phone, on hold for 35 minutes.
29 November 2008
Nov. 30th
Tomorrow is one of those can't-get-out-of-my head type days. It's like anticipating a holiday or anniversary but without the excitement. The anticipation is more about the unknown. I don't know if I'll be a sobbing mess or if I'll be able to plaster on a cheesy smile and sail through the day. Tomorrow marks the 365th day since my mom passed away. What makes this day verses any other different is beyond me. I continue to mourn her death no matter what day of the week. It seems almost morbid to mark tomorrow as an anniversary because the word is associated with positive things, a first date, a first kiss, a wedding. Unfortunately, the date brings with it words I haven't been able to get out of my mind for the last month, "At this time last year I was..." And for the last month that phrase ended with, counting respirations, administering morphine, dressing wounds and telling my sweet, sweet mother how much I love her for the last time.
This last month has been a roller coaster of emotions. At one minute I'm smiling and laughing with friends, the next minute I'm sitting silently in a blank daze, and the next I'm fighting to hold back tears that are taking over. Those closest to me were warned from the beginning and have been more than understanding. It seems impossible that I just made it through one year without someone who was, for so long, involved 100% in my life as I was in hers. It seems impossible that I am to continue for the next years without her. That any future children I have will not know how wonderful she was. Sure, I can tell stories but they will never know her voice, her touch, her personality.
People called her stubborn. I call it strong. She fought her disease for two years as a single mother of five children and one grandchild. She worked a job until the day she went into the hospital for her final surgery. And when the doctor called me that night to tell me she had two days to live, she fought for two weeks. Two weeks that allowed us to talk, laugh, cry, and be a family. Two weeks for her to make sure she had taken care of everything and that her children would be OK when she was gone. She did her job. We are OK.
This last month has been a roller coaster of emotions. At one minute I'm smiling and laughing with friends, the next minute I'm sitting silently in a blank daze, and the next I'm fighting to hold back tears that are taking over. Those closest to me were warned from the beginning and have been more than understanding. It seems impossible that I just made it through one year without someone who was, for so long, involved 100% in my life as I was in hers. It seems impossible that I am to continue for the next years without her. That any future children I have will not know how wonderful she was. Sure, I can tell stories but they will never know her voice, her touch, her personality.
People called her stubborn. I call it strong. She fought her disease for two years as a single mother of five children and one grandchild. She worked a job until the day she went into the hospital for her final surgery. And when the doctor called me that night to tell me she had two days to live, she fought for two weeks. Two weeks that allowed us to talk, laugh, cry, and be a family. Two weeks for her to make sure she had taken care of everything and that her children would be OK when she was gone. She did her job. We are OK.
06 November 2008
Call to duty
Hello friends.
As you know by now, I lost my best friend and mom to cancer last year. The last few months leading up to the one year mark have been very emotional for me. At this time last year, one of the things that helped me to get through this difficult time were the cards and good wishes that were sent my way.
This is where I ask a favor of you. A little boy, Evan Hoffman, I had the pleasure of meeting three years ago was diagnosed this last June with Rhabdomyosarcoma, a rare form of cancer of the soft tissue. He is currently battling this with 52 weeks of chemotherapy. As you might expect, he is unable to attend his 6th grade classes, go outside, or spend time with his friends and extended family.
Recently, Evan was given a map of the world and some push pins. For each card/message he receives he puts one pin on the map to represent the place from which the message came. The outpouring of responses have been phenomenal but it wouldn't hurt for him to get more. Please consider taking the time to write a note on the website for this wonderful little dude. He deserves all the support we can muster.
Thanks,
Xteener
As you know by now, I lost my best friend and mom to cancer last year. The last few months leading up to the one year mark have been very emotional for me. At this time last year, one of the things that helped me to get through this difficult time were the cards and good wishes that were sent my way.
This is where I ask a favor of you. A little boy, Evan Hoffman, I had the pleasure of meeting three years ago was diagnosed this last June with Rhabdomyosarcoma, a rare form of cancer of the soft tissue. He is currently battling this with 52 weeks of chemotherapy. As you might expect, he is unable to attend his 6th grade classes, go outside, or spend time with his friends and extended family.
Recently, Evan was given a map of the world and some push pins. For each card/message he receives he puts one pin on the map to represent the place from which the message came. The outpouring of responses have been phenomenal but it wouldn't hurt for him to get more. Please consider taking the time to write a note on the website for this wonderful little dude. He deserves all the support we can muster.
Thanks,
Xteener
05 November 2008
Buggers
While today was an all-in-all good day (Yay, OBAMA! & some other things that require far too much explanation, but good nonetheless) I would like to share with you a few things that drive me up the wall in a Trainspotting kind of way.
- Bad grammar* - let me give you an example of something I hear FAR too often.
"I seen that car drive through the red light." GAH! It pains me to even write those words down in that order. Since when are the words 'seen' and 'saw' interchangeable?
- Bad driving - From my first day in Springfield, I noticed one thing that most Springfieldians failed to learn in drivers ed. Turning into your own lane. It happens so much that most (99%) drivers will yield to those turning into the wrong lane as if it's common practice. Let me draw you a picture.
Oh how I love Photoshop. So, with this professionally, detailed picture I drew for you readers, you'll see what I mean. The black car is waiting patiently for the red car to turn into the far lane before the black car will even consider turning. This will take place as if there is nothing wrong. It would be far more efficient for each car to turn into their own lane, yes?
- More bad grammar - In the infamous words of Ross Geller (Season 4, The One With The Jellyfish), "Y-o-u'r-e means 'you are. Y-o-u-r means your!" The same goes for 'they're' and 'there.'
There, I've said my peace.
*Yes, I don't always have perfect grammar, in fact I'm sure there are a few typos throughout this post alone. I'm just saying.
- Bad grammar* - let me give you an example of something I hear FAR too often.
"I seen that car drive through the red light." GAH! It pains me to even write those words down in that order. Since when are the words 'seen' and 'saw' interchangeable?
- Bad driving - From my first day in Springfield, I noticed one thing that most Springfieldians failed to learn in drivers ed. Turning into your own lane. It happens so much that most (99%) drivers will yield to those turning into the wrong lane as if it's common practice. Let me draw you a picture.
Oh how I love Photoshop. So, with this professionally, detailed picture I drew for you readers, you'll see what I mean. The black car is waiting patiently for the red car to turn into the far lane before the black car will even consider turning. This will take place as if there is nothing wrong. It would be far more efficient for each car to turn into their own lane, yes?
- More bad grammar - In the infamous words of Ross Geller (Season 4, The One With The Jellyfish), "Y-o-u'r-e means 'you are. Y-o-u-r means your!" The same goes for 'they're' and 'there.'
There, I've said my peace.
*Yes, I don't always have perfect grammar, in fact I'm sure there are a few typos throughout this post alone. I'm just saying.
04 November 2008
Happy Election Day
It all started two years ago. Temperatures were below freezing and yet Bridge Man and I trekked our way through thousands of people to see this:
I am proud to be able to tell my great great grandchildren that I was there the very first time Obama announced his candidacy for president. I WAS THERE! Yes, it took my toes over an hour to thaw from standing outside on that February day in Illinois, but it was oh, SO worth it.
And now we have come full circle, dudes and dudettes. It's election day, and guess what I did.
I got a hair cut! Oh, yeah, and I voted. How fabulous is that?
Go out and do your American duties people. Al the cool kids are doing it.
I am proud to be able to tell my great great grandchildren that I was there the very first time Obama announced his candidacy for president. I WAS THERE! Yes, it took my toes over an hour to thaw from standing outside on that February day in Illinois, but it was oh, SO worth it.
And now we have come full circle, dudes and dudettes. It's election day, and guess what I did.
I got a hair cut! Oh, yeah, and I voted. How fabulous is that?
Go out and do your American duties people. Al the cool kids are doing it.
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