Note: This is a personal detailing of events that have continued from '07 into '09. I've gone back and forth with myself deciding whether or not to post such a private thing online for all to see. It is something that has consumed me for so long that is seems like a sham to write anything else. This may come down after a day or two, but for now it was therapeutic.
***
Give him another chance. It's the best situation for everyone.
Talk to him, tell him how you feel. He's willing to work with you.
The kids need to have their dad around, especially at this time in their life.
I gave in. After all, everyone was looking to me to come to some sort of decision. The last weeks had been full of decisions. Decisions that no one should have to make. Now, after saying the final good bye to my mom, I had to set the stage for the rest of my siblings life as dependents. Do I take them out of the schools they have been attending since kindergarten, move them an hour away, and make them live in my spare bedroom? Or do I relinquish control to the person who, for 18 years, was the bane of our family for so long?
After such a huge loss, I wanted to make the transition for my brothers as easy as possible. I felt it was best for them to stay in the same school with familiar faces. After all, in such a small town, everyone knows what happened. Everyone will be sensitive to their situation.
He is their father. Maybe he will change. People change.
I made the decision.
For a few months, he made an effort. At least it seemed that way. Little did we know that bills were not getting paid, the refrigerator was empty, and he was never home. My two teenage brothers were left to raise themselves. Fortunately my older sister was there to pick up some of the slack. Bridge Man and I would freeze meals to drop off at the house on the weekends we were able to drive up.
Any attempt to get him to step up was brushed aside. He was working on it.
Things kept on like this for months. Their health insurance lapsed. Rent went unpaid. My brother's suffered. My attempts to talk to him were futile. He would punish my brothers for telling me that there was nothing to eat or that there is no soap in the bathroom. He started to ignore my calls.
My older sister really stood up to the situation. On her small income, she bought food and other such necessities for the house.
Where was all his money going? After all, he was receiving my mom's social security checks and working a full-time job.
He took his girlfriend to Colorado for a week. A few weeks later, the land lord came to the house. Rent was five months behind. The electricity and phone were turned off.
He was reported to the Department of Child and Family Services several times. Nothing came to fruition because the boys are old enough to take care of themselves, I guess.
We talked to my brothers about what they wanted to do. They both wanted to stay in town and continue going to the same high school. They didn't want to move away. A few family friends agreed to take them in.
One day, we had a small change in luck. He had been investigated by the Department of Social Security. The money was taken away from him. They accepted my older sister as the new recipient. We thought everyone could continue to live in my mom's old house and my sister would take over the finances. He would no longer have control.
Nothing is ever that easy. We needed his permission to switch the phone/electricity/water bills into our name. The lease on the house isn't a real lease. It turns out he is good friends with the land lord. Thus the reason he hasn't been kicked out of the house. He promised the land lord that he was good for the rent.
He got rid of the family dogs. Simply gone.
He kicked my older sister out of the house. I guess he felt that she was gaining too much control. My 18 year-old brother moved out. My 16-year old brother is still there.
I talked to my 16 year-old brother tonight. Last week the water was turned off due to delinquent payment and there hasn't been soap in the bathroom for a week.
